Several friend have been complaining that I haven’t posted another belly picture! Well, I’m finally 6 months so you get another picture!
I look at that picture and think, ‘holy crap, am I really that big already?’ 3 more months to go!
The other day, I pulled up to my house and sat in my car for a moment after feeling Jude kick and thought ‘Am I ready for this life change? What did we do? I can’t give this one back.’ Mostly, I am excited about becoming a mom, but sometimes, I feel amazed at the fact that children don’t come with a manual and that you don’t have to be tested to become a parent. We really get the opportunity to either screw up another person’s life or completely bless it. That’s pretty weighty if you ask me.
This pregnancy has definitely brought about some weird emotions that I didn’t know I was going to have to confront.
- It’s amazing how vain I am – gaining weight, even if it’s just baby weight, has been difficult for me to get past. Someone tagged a picture of me, pre-pregnancy, on facebook the other day and it made me a little sad. I know this is temporary, but dealing with it here and now has been different than I expected.
- I thought that I would enjoy being pregnant more. In reality, for me, it’s really uncomfortable! I try not to complain about it often (except to Jason, sorry babe) but it really did surprise me. I know that I will enjoy being a mom, but I think I’ve said it before, I have a hard time understanding how some women loved being pregnant. It is true that people bend over backwards for you to accommodate anything that they could even imagine you wanting, and that’s nice, but I think I’d trade that for being able to take a full breath, go for a run without spiking my heart rate and sleep on my stomach again. 🙂 I think this is a case of the end justifying the means.
- I also sometimes feel a little crazy since I’m making decisions that are not quite ‘main stream’ decisions and focused on being more natural. I know that the decisions are mine to make, but sometimes people look at me strange and make me feel odd when I explain why we’re doing cloth diapers, why we don’t want baby DVDs or toys with batteries. . .
The pregnancy is also strangely devoid of some of the things that I had come to expect:
- morning sickness – I’m sorry to all of you that suffered through this – really I am. I just didn’t have any huge problems – just an aversion to meat, eggs and certain vegetables during the first trimester and I know that’s nothing to complain about
- acid reflux – although this could be a ‘just wait’ thing. . . I do have three more months
- cravings – I guess my diet was already strange enough to begin with that being pregnant hasn’t really changed my eating habits (except for the whole, no raw fish rule, which stinks)
- panic/anxiety – strangely enough, I have been calmer and more relaxed that I ever thought I would be and not near as nit-picky and fearful as I imagined myself. I usually don’t even know what week I am when people ask!
- How fast my hair and nails grow. You hear about that happening, but don’t really expect it to happen to you. All hair cuts have been postponed until after Jude is born. I’m just going to enjoy this time of having pretty nails – I know it will be done in June and I’ll go back to the ultra short clipped nails that I’ve had my whole life.
- The feet and leg cramps that wake me up in pain in the middle of the night and then linger for days. Not pleasant.
- The fact that I actually feel like I’m bonding with this kiddo as he kicks my insides and steals my nutrients and food. 🙂
- Also the fact that I am even considering a natural birth. It’s amazing how much my view on things have changed in the last year – I always thought that I would plan on doing an epidural. Turns out, that’s not for me! Also, a update on the hospital vs. birthing center that we were considering, our insurance makes it substantially cheaper to have a hospital birth (does that surprise anyone?), so we’re going with the hospital since I like my doctor, she’s cool with the natural birth thing and hopefully we’ll use a doula to make the whole process easier, less painful, and less stressful. I was a little sad about not being able to use the birthing center because I preferred it, but these days, money is tight. . . We will make the hospital experience fantastic.
Things that crack me up?
- How much I don’t want my belly button to ‘pop’. I really would like it to stay an ‘innie’ even if it does revert after the baby is born. It’s getting really shallow now and I wonder if I will get my wish. So trivial, I know.
- How grossed out people are when I tell them we’re using cloth diapers. (If this grosses you out, check out this post on an introduction to cloth diapers to see how different they are than you are probably thinking and this post about using Bum Genius All in One Diapers [which are what we’re using], you can even make your own for REALLY cheap or go to the Tiny Bird Organics Baby in Austin to get your free trial kit!). Really, people spend anywhere from $1500 to $2000 a year on disposable diapers, per child (this doesn’t even include disposable wipes, diaper genie refills, etc etc). Spending ~$600 once, for all children with a slight increase in the amount of washes I do, just makes sense to me. And that’s not even getting into the environmental and health reasons for doing it!
- The amount of unsolicited advice I receive from people – I just smile and nod and file their advice away in case it may come in handy. There are so many view point and so many different perspectives, but ultimately, each child is unique and responds to different things – what worked for one child may not work at all for another.
- How differently I see parents now; oh how your perspectives change when you’re faced with raising children!