Why did I pick such a difficult word of the year? Goodness! I’ve been reflecting the last couple of days on how much the word ‘trust’ has played into my life so far this year. Why is trusting so hard?
Lately, I have been battling with trusting that we will be provided for. Things have been more difficult around our household than in previous years, and I guess that’s to be expected, with the addition of a baby, moving, jobs in limbo . . . And while I was reflecting on this, I realized I am grateful for these circumstances that have caused us so much stress. Stress reveals who we really are, the parts of us that hide when circumstances are good. Jason and I are learning more about serving each other (and others) well. It is hard when times are tough. Most of the time I don’t want to lay down my desires to serve my family but I feel myself slowly changing and learning. It’s such a slow and painful process; I am so, so selfish. It is being revealed to me more and more each day how deep it goes. I am reminded though, and reassured by this:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matt 6:25-27
I’m also struggling with learning how to trust that I am where I’m supposed to be. I find myself daydreaming in a ‘grass is always greener … ‘ sort of way, which is not helpful at all. In fact, it’s fairly crippling. I want to be content in the circumstance that I am in, not think about the way I wish things were or even about the way life was in other seasons we have been in. I am where I am for a specific reason, and I don’t want to waste my time wishfully thinking about a life that isn’t mine. I want to be grateful. I want to be thankful for what I have right in front of me, which I fully realize (although sometimes don’t acknowledge) is blessing beyond anything I deserve.
I am really enjoying having a word to gauge what I’m learning right now. This word of the year thing seems like a really great way to see life through a focused lens. I think it will be enlightening to look back on this at the end of the year and see where I’ve been!